The Bet
by Golden Phoenix42
Summary: “Hey, Eliza” Sirius asked “What do you think the odds are that Lily’ll say ‘yes’ to James sometime?” Eliza scoffed “Judging by this example? Never.”“Of course she’ll say yes to him!” Said Sirius “You wanna bet? JamesLily fic.
1. The Bet

**Chapter One **

**The Bet**

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"Lily, will you go out with me?"

"James, haven't you asked that question enough to know what the answer is?"

"Oh, come on Evans, why not?"

"Why not? Well, let me think: Your hair is like a birds nest, the way you're always running your hands through it, because you think it's so cool. You think you're so great, but all you do is bully people and show off! You can't seem to get it through your thick skull that-"

"Hey, Eliza" Sirius asked from his place by the common room fire "What do you think the odds are that Lily'll say 'yes' to James sometime?"

Eliza scoffed "Judging by the example you see here? Never."

"I don't think that's quite true" Said Jen from Sirius's other side "I think Lily really likes James, she just doesn't want to admit it because she's said" Jen stopped a moment to listen to Lily's words "Because she's said that he's a 'conceded twit that couldn't pass a single test if he wasn't copying off his friends' for so long."

"Conceded twit…" Sirius muttered "That's a new one"

"Well," said Eliza "You're right about her liking him, but she'll never say yes to him if he keeps acting this way."

"Of course she'll say yes to him!" Said Sirius "You want to bet?"

"Sure" said Eliza "I'll bet you five galleons that Lily will never say 'yes' to James"

"And I'll bet you five that _she's_ the one who asks _him_ out, and soon, too."

"Five Galleons to both of you that James will win her over by the end of the month!"

"I'll take that bet"

And they shook on it.

* * *

That Evening

"Lily," James asked, getting down on his hands and knees "Your eyes are like the stars, your hair is like the fire of-"

"No, no, no!" Interjected Sirius "You're doing it all wrong!"

"I did it just like you told me to…" James said, getting up from where he had been kneeling "Can we do this later? My knees are getting tired, and I still have homework to do."

"And I'm tired of standing here with this red wig on having James try to ask me out" added Remus, attracting quite a few stares. "Can I leave now?"

"No!" Cried Sirius "I will not rest until James here has learned how to ask someone out _properly_"

"Well can I at least take this red wig off-"

"No!"

"But it itches-"

"No!"

"But you said-"

"No!"

"Come on Sirius" James pleaded "just give it a rest"

"Do you want Lily to go out with you or not?"

"Of course I do, but do you really think she'll like-"

"Of course she will! Now, again"

Sighing, James got on his knees again

* * *

"Do you know why Remus is wearing a bright wig red wig?" Lily asked, trying not to appear too curious

"Who knows?" Jen answered, glancing over at the marauders from her side of the common room "Probably something crazy, you know how boy are."

"I suppose…"

"Hey Lily?" Asked Eliza in a teasing tone

"What?" Lily asked absently

"Are you _staring_ at James?"

"I am not!" Lily said, blushing furiously.

"Lily and Ja-ames sittin' in a tree" Jen sang, batting her eyelashes and making ridiculous kissing noises"

"Be quiet!" Lily hissed, going, if it was possible, even redder "Someone will hear you!"

Ignoring Lily, Jen sang on "First comes love, then comes marriage-"

"Hush," Whispered Lily franticly "Be quiet! Ssshhhh!"

"That's not all, that's not all, I saw them-"

"BE QUIET!" Lily shouted "DO YOU HONESTLY WANT EVERYONE IN THE COMMON ROOM TO THINK THAT I LIKE-" Lily realized that she had been shouting this, and yes, it _was_ possible for Lily to go even redder. "Um… Marinated Ceviche and aged Gouda?" Lily finished tentatively to her staring audience.

"Come on, Lily" Eliza said, feeling sorry for her friend "Let's go up to bed, I don't know about you, but I'm tired"

"Um, yeah, let's go" Lily said. Her face now matching her hair, Lily practically sprinted to the dormitory.

* * *

"I've got an Idea!" Sirius proclaimed loudly

"Does it involve me getting to take off this wig? I think I'm having an allergic reaction to it."

"Nonsense! You just need to get used to it."

"No, seriously, my skin itches and I think my tongue is swelling up."

"Too bad, the show must go on!"

"Sirius, we're not performing a show."

"Well, we should."

"Oh, oh, can I be in the show?" Peter asked, jumping up and down in excitement

"No, I don't think so; you don't have the right "look" for an actor. You look like the personal assistant who caters to my every whim type."

"Oh cool!"

"Yes, yes, I know; the life of an actor is an exiting one."

"Wow, when do I start?"

"Well, I think I can fit you into my busy schedule- Hey, where did Remus go?!" Sirius asked indignantly looking around.

"I think he went to go take care of his allergic reaction."

"Well," said Sirius, turning back to Peter "In that case you can start right now. Put on that wig"

"Wow, this is so exiting! Just give me a moment to rehearse." And, wig in hand, Peter ran off to practice.

"So, what was your idea?" James asked after a moment of silence.

"Well, since Lily just said she liked raw seafood and aged cheese…"


	2. A Fishy Breakfast

"Lily, what's ceviche?" Jen asked

"It's a kind of raw seafood dish I think, but it tastes totally gross,"

"Lily, why did you almost scream that you liked James to the entire common room?"

"Um… Can we talk about ceviche some more?"

"No, I want to talk about James"

"Did I tell you I loved the stuff? Yeah, it's, uh, really good.

"Lily, I'm going to say James's name over and over until we talk about him"

"You should try it sometime,"

"James, James, James, James, James"

Seriously, it's really good,

"James, James, James, James, James, James, James"

"It's very good really, almost as good as James. Wait, no, I didn't mean to say that!"

"Ha!" Jen Exclaimed "You like him! You like James!"

"I do not!" Said Lily, flustered "I just said James because you were saying it,"

"You did not"

"No, really, I was confused! I mean, how am I supposed to stop myself from saying James at least once when you're sitting right next to me going James, James, James, James, James, James?!"

"I was not!"

"WHAT?!" Lily screamed in disbelief "You were just repeating it over and over!"

"Nope"

"Yes you were!"

"You must have just been imagining it because you L-o-v-e _luv_ James so much."

"I was not! You're such a liar!"

"And you're such a James fan."

"Leave me alone" said Lily huffily "You're messing with my mind."

Lily stomped over to her bed and sat on it, arms crossed

_I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever admit I like him _she thought _not, of course, _she hastily added _that I ever liked him in the first place. Honestly, who could possibly like a show off like him? A very cute show off though… NO! Do not think like that Lily! He's not hot, or cool, or cute, or anything that is remotely complementary. Ever. Only he is… No! Lily, cut it out! You hate James, you hate him, you hate him, you hate him! _"I hate James Potter!" She screamed aloud to reassure herself.

"I completely agree!" Eliza shouted in her ear

"Zombie! AAAAAAA!!!!!" Lily fell off the bed

"We really shouldn't have let you watch that muggle movie… Oh well. I'm not a zombie Lily; I was saying I agree with you. You hate James."

"What?" Asked Lily, a bit confused. Eliza was one of her only friends that was not prone to randomness. This was quite out of character.

"I said" Eliza repeated a bit impatiently "You hate James"

"Why are you saying this?"

"I want to inform your subconscious. You hate him. Always have."

"What?"

"I also think you should never speak to him again"

"But we have to patrol-"

"I said never, never ever ever. Ever."

"But what about head duties, I have to-"

"I also think you should not look at him, be near him, or let him say anything to you ever again."

"I'm confused. Why are you saying this?"

"If you never associate with James, he can never ask you out."

"Since when do you care-"

"I'm, uh, studying to be a doctor. It's for your mental health."

"I thought you wanted to be a-"

"I SAID A DOCTOR, ALLRIGHT?"

"Okay" Lily quailed

"Good, now, moving on. I can't decide on what shirt to wear tomorrow." Eliza held up two identical shirts "Which one do you think would look better on me?"

The Next Morning

Lily woke up to the worst thing she had ever smelled.

She sat up and saw something slimy and wriggling right in front of her face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

"Lily, what's wrong!?"

"Lily, what's that smell?!"

Jen and Eliza jumped out of their beds and hastened over to Lily's.

"Ewe. That's gross."

Jen and Eliza looked down at the breakfast tray that had been set in Lily's lap by a house elf no doubt. It contained a large lump of the most smelly cheese on earth, and a bowl of raw sea food, which wouldn't have been so bad by itself, but the seafood was still alive.

"What is that?" Eliza asked in disgust.

Lily groaned "Ceviche and aged cheese. My two least favorite foods."

"I can see why"

"What's this?" asked Jen, picking up a piece of parchment that had been resting on the tray "Complements of James Potter" Jen read out loud "Lily I'll make this for you every day if you go out with me."

"Ewe!" Said Eliza "That sounds more like a threat than and entreaty."

"I think it's sweet" Said Jen, trying to smile and finding it impossible in the face of the stinky cheese "I'll bet that this wriggling bowl of fish symbolizes his undying love for you!"

Lily stared at her friend uncomprehendingly.

"I think it's disgusting" Said Eliza, who always gave her opinion whether it was wanted or not. "Lily, I think you should march down to wherever James is and tell him that you'll never ever go out with him."

"Nonsense" Exclaimed Eliza "Nothing says 'I love you' more than a bowl of not quite dead fish and a chunk of smelly cheese"

"Oh, you're so naïve. It's obviously a sign that he's decided to stop perusing her. Just look: there's a green speck of something on that cheese"

"Green is the color of happiness and love"

"No it's not, you just made that up"

"Did not"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not- hey, where's Lily?"

"Uh… I don't know. I could've sworn she was here just a minute ago"

Lily, as it turned out, was in the bathroom. The smell of the aged cheese had gotten to her.

Later That Day

"So…" Sirius said casually

"So?" asked Eliza

"So. What did Lily do when she got her _romantic_ breakfast this morning?"

"She threw up."

"What? That was her favorite food! She must be sick"

"No, it's her _least_ favorite food. Now she hates James, or at least she will. Soon. You might as well give me my five galleons now."

Eliza held out her hand expectantly

"No" Sirius said "No, I think I've got the perfect plan to get Lily to say 'yes'. The _perfect_ plan"


	3. Wilma

* * *

The Next Day

"Now, just remember, she's a girl, so she won't want to show she's jealous

"Sirius…"

"Quiet Peter"

"If I were you I'd try ignoring her, unless she starts hitting you, or course,"

Sirius…"

"In that case I would run the other way. But you still want to make her jealous, so don't forget to drag your 'girlfriend' with you-"

"Sirius…"

"What _is_ it Peter!?"

"Uh, Serious, I don't really want to do this…" Peter braced himself for Sirius's reaction

"WHAT?! I THOGHT YOU WANTED TO BE AN ACTOR!"

"I do," Peter quailed "But I just have issues with playing the opposite gender, and Remus is right. This wig itches"

"Yeah" chimed in James "I'm not to thrilled with Peter being my girlfriend either, even if it _is_ to make Lily jealous"

"You're hopeless, do you like the girl or not?"

"Well, yeah"

"And do you want her to realize that you're not going to wait around forever for her to say 'yes'?"

"Actually-"

"Forget that question. The point is: A squared plus B squared equals C squared, taking into account that the triangle is at a right angle and that… wait, no. That's Pythagorean's theorem. Uh… Well, never mind. Just go out there and remember that Lily likes you and will be insanely jealous if she sees you with another girl."

"But Peter's-"

"I said; get. out. there."

James gulped and got out there. 'Out there' being the corridor that Lily walked down to get to charms.

* * *

"Hey Lily?" asked Jen 

"Hmm?"

"You should go out with James"

"Why?"

"Actually, you should go ask him out right now"

"Why?"

"Uh… Well, let's see… He's popular"

"Only because he's on the quidditch team"

"And therefore he's buff"

"He shows off too much"

"He's cute"

"I saw him hex a third year the other day just because he wouldn't loan Sirius a quill"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, it was horrible!"

"Oh dear… Well… he's cute."

"Haven't we been over this?"

"Lily, come on!"

"No!"

"He's really suave, ya know? He never does anything uncouth"

"Well, I suppose you're ri- AAA!!!" Screamed Lily, her scream being due to the fact that Peter had just jumped in front her, red wig askew, and screamed "HI!" In a girlish voice

"What the- Peter, what on earth are you doing?!"

"I'm not Peter" Peter squeaked "I'm… uh…"

Peter looked at the portrait behind Lily for inspiration. It was actually and old framed copy of the daily prophet. The headline read: Wilma, Graduate of Hogwarts, Teaches Flying Sloth's to Tap Dance

"Wilma! My name is Wilma Sloth."

Lily looked blankly at Peter. There was a scuffle from around the corridor, and James came tearing into view. He stopped when he saw Lily, and started to walk in the other direction, but a very Sirius-like hand pointed a wand at him from behind the corridor, and James decided he's rather go along with the plan.

"Uh, Lily" He said awkwardly "Have you met my new girlfriend?"

"James, that's Peter in a wig"

"No it's not, this is my girlfriend Irma"

"It's Wilma" corrected Peter

"Oh, yes" James gave a nervous laugh "I forgot"

James put an arm around peter, grimacing as he did so, and looking like he would rather do anything else than this

"Don't we look happy?" Asked James through clenched teeth

"Uh…"

"No, seriously, we're very happy. Me and my red headed girlfriend. Ha Ha. You COULD have been my redheaded girlfriend, but you ignored me. To bad. Looks like you missed out…"

There was a long, awkward silence.

"So" James said finally

"So?" Asked Lily

"So… are you jealous?"

"Of peter?"

"It's Wilma" Squeaked Peter

"Whatever. No James, I am no jealous of" Lily made quote marks with her hands

"Wilma."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"Oh…" James let go of Peter and took several steps away from him "In that case… Will you go out with me?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

Lily felt her face going red "Just, you're just so…"

The bell rang and Lily ran for class.

Also embarrassed, James ran too.

* * *

That afternoon

"James, what is wrong with you?!"

"It's not my fault; she was able to tell it was peter!"

"What? How did she do that" Sirius shrugged "Oh well… The point is… Oh bugger, what was my point?"

"Hey guys" Peter said as he climbed through the portrait hole "I can't get this eye shadow off, a little help here?"

"That's it!" Sirius snapped his fingers

"What's it?" Asked James

"Eye shadow!"

"What?"

"Well, girls like makeup, right?"

"I guess so"

"Perfect! So here's what we do…"

* * *

That Evening

"Jen!" Eliza yelled

Jen jumped guiltily and quickly stuffed something under her pillow

"What?"

"You stole my time!"

"What are you talking about?"

"We agreed that you could have time to convince Lily between the hours of one and four, and you dragged lily off and started expounding James's virtues to her at precisely twelve forty five!"

"Well don't bite my head off about it"

"YOU STOLE MY TIME!"

"Sorry! You can have this evening to convince her then! Some people-"

"Hi guys" Lily said as she entered the dorm "Have either of you finished your transfiguration homework? I'm having some trouble with-"

"I'll help you Lily!" Exclaimed Eliza, practically dragging Lily off to the common room "You know, I heard something about James the other day. Did you know he hexed a third year the other day? You should never go out with him. He's so-"

Eliza's words were cut off by the slamming of the dorm door.

After the two had gone. Jen took the photo she had hidden from Eliza out from under her pillow; and with her finger traced the outline of a very special someone


	4. The Enchanted Eye Shadow

The Next Morning

Lily woke up to the sound of exited screaming

"AAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

"Shut up Jen, You're giving me a headache!" Came Eliza's voice, barely heard over Jen's noise.

"What's going on?" Lily asked groggily

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Screamed Jen, Jumping up and down

"No, seriously Jen, what is it?" Asked Eliza

"Look! Looklooklooklook_look_!" Jen waved something small and shiny in Lily's face too close for her to really see it.

"Give me that!" Grouched Eliza, snatching the object from Jen's hands (She wasn't exactly a morning bird.)

"To Miss Lily Evans" Eliza read out loud

"Where's it say that?" asked Lily

"It's engraved onto the lid"

"The lid?" asked Lily "What are you talking about, what is it?"

"It's eye shadow" Sighed Jen "In a golden case, sent by James Potter to-"

"James has terrible taste" interrupted Eliza "This shade of pink clashes with your hair"

"Hey, I like pink" said lily indignantly

"I never said you didn't" said Eliza "I'm just saying that it clashes with your hair, and, well. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I look fabulous in pink. And if you happen to decide that-"

"No!" Said Lily, grabbing the case from Eliza "It's mine."

"Oh, come on Lily" begged Eliza "It's not like your ever going to _use_ it. You never wear makeup"

"I will _so_ use it. I'll use it right now" and with that lily marched into the bathroom to apply the beauty product.

"It's not fair" Eliza huffed "How come boys never send_ me_ things?"

"Well…" started Jen

"What?"

"It's nothing"

"No, what?"

"Well, not to offend you or anything, but sometimes you can be sort of…"

"TELL ME!"

"Sort of… overbearing?"

"WHAT!?" Eliza shouted

Jen realized that this had been a very bad thing to say, particularly since her friend had just woken up

"I'llseeyouatbreakfast!" Jen yelled as she ran out the door

"I'd chase after you if you weren't so darn fast!" Shouted Eliza after her, but Jen was gone. "One of these days…" she muttered under her breath

* * *

In the Girls Bathroom

Lily looked at herself in the mirror. She hated pink. Well, okay, she loved it; but how was she supposed know that the shade looked terrible on her until she'd tried it on?! Oh yeah. Eliza.

"Stupid" she growled under her breath as she made another futile attempt to get the stupid stuff off "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Why wouldn't it come off? Lily took a closer look at the label stuck on the under side of the container. It read:

L.P. eye shadow. Lasts 24 hrs.

Below were two lists of ingredients. _Two. _The first list was what you would normally expect to find in eye shadow. The second list consisted of all the ingredients that were necessary for–

Lily's eyes widened

"Oh no" she whispered

* * *

In the Great Hall

"I hate Pecans" said Sirius glumly as they were piled onto his breakfast plate

"Well, you have to eat _something_ besides chocolate and marshmallows for breakfast" said Remus in a tone that suggested that he had said this far to many times before

"Oh yeah? What do you think _that_ is?"

"It's too smothered in chocolate spread for me to tell"

"It's a chocolate chip _pancake_. Do you know what is _in _a pancake, Remus?"

Remus was about to give his customary answer when he was interrupted by James

"I can't believe you, Sirius"

"What?" Asked Sirius through a mouth full of pancake and chocolate

"I can't believe you can just sit there and argue about pecans after what you've done"

"Sorry mate" Sirius said as he took another mouthful of pancake "Didn't think you'd mind so much"

James made a disbelieving sound and turned his back to Sirius, arms crossed. He had been making an effort to be cold towards Sirius since yesterday evening when Sirius had come up with his 'brilliant' plan. So far Sirius hadn't noticed.

"What are you guys talking about?" whined peter "I wish you'd tell me what's going on once in a while"

"Yes, do enlighten us" said Remus

James made a girlish 'Hmph' sound to emphasize that if they got an answer, it wasn't going to be from him.

"Dude," Sirius exclaimed, unaware of James's frosty silence towards him "That sound you just made was _so gay_!"

"Sirius, I'm surprised at you!" scolded Remus

"What?" Sirius asked

"The phrase 'that's so gay' is a cruel, discriminatory comment that is only used by rude, unimaginative people who can't think of a more creative way to insult someone"

James laughed "Well, that pretty much sums up Sirius's personality"

"Hey, are you trying to offend me or something?" Sirius asked

"Me? No, of course not" came James's sarcastic reply

"Yes you are" Said Sirius as he slowly worked it out "You're mad at me because I sent that -"

"Help, she's after me!" Jen shouted as she tried to hide behind Remus

Sirius glanced at the entrance to the great hall, and then back a Jen "Um… Sorry Jen, but I don't think any one's following you"

"Oh?" asked Jen, her head coming up from behind Remus's left shoulder to look around the hall

"Oh indeed" Sirius gave Jen a hand up

"Oh," Said Jen, blushing

"You're blushing" Said Sirius "I'm sorry, did I embarrass you?"

"Oh. No, it's just- Oh, what was that? Yes, Lily, I'm coming!" and she took off.

Sirius looked around. He saw Lily emerging from the great hall, but doubted that her voice could have carried that far

"I didn't hear Lily say anything" commented peter

Remus ducked his head to hide a grin.

* * *

Jen caught up with an oddly cheery-looking Lily just as she was taking a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Exclaimed Lily, her voice peppy and exited, not at all normal. "Don't you think Sirius Black is _hot_?!"

* * *

In the Girl's Bathroom

Eliza sat in front of the mirror by the sink, applying some of Lily's eye shadow to herself. After all, it did look good on her, and lily surely wouldn't notice if just a _little_ bit went missing…


	5. Chocolate Makes you Hallucinate

Chapter Five

Eliza was halfway down the stairs of the girl's dormitory when she realized two things. One: She had remembered to put on her makeup and do her hair, but had neglected to change out of her pajamas; and Two: She was in love, and she only hadn't realized it because… something. But in any case, she _was_ in love, and she was very annoyed at the person she was in love with for not asking her out before she had come to this revelation, because now she felt rather stupid (being in love and not knowing whether or not Sirius returned her feelings).

_Well _Eliza thought _I guess then I'll just have to go find out._

And she headed off for the great hall

* * *

In the Great Hall

Jen went over to possible options in her brain

Lily has gone crazy.

Lily has _really_ gone crazy.

I am having a hallucination.

Jen quickly stuffed the nearest piece of food into her mouth to give herself time to think. It turned out to be chocolate spread. Gross.

Lily was looking rather confused. She had woken up, fallen in love, put on eye shadow, fallen in love, told Jen she was in love, and the best Jen could do was shove handfuls of chocolate spread into her mouth? Gross. Perhaps she hadn't heard correctly.

"I _said_, don't you think Sirius Black is HOT?!" Lily repeated, emphasizing the word hot because she the idea of Sirius Black being HOT, rather than an idiot and a nuisance was becoming more and more apparent with every passing minute.

Now Jen was sure she was having a hallucination. Lily, under no circumstances, would ever say Sirius was hot. Being a (relatively) logical person, Jen looked around for the source of whatever was making her hallucinate. The two things she found were air and chocolate spread.

Jen decided that the culprit must be chocolate spread, because she liked breathing air, and because it would be much simpler to get rid of the chocolate spread than to wear an air proof suit and breathe helium for the rest of her life.

Jen spit out the chocolate spread onto her plate

"Ewe, gross!" squealed Lily and Jen simultaneously

"That's disgusting" Lily sniffed "_and_ you're being tactless!"

"What?"

"Well, I'm trying to tell you how I feel about Sirius, and you're being so insensitive. You just-"

"AAARRGGG! I'm still tainted!" Jen cried out, assuming that she had swallowed enough of the chocolate spread to cause further hallucinations.

"See?" Asked Lily "That's exactly what I mean. Insensitive!" And with that she stalked out of the great hall, looking for Eliza who, she was _sure_, would take her more seriously.

"Stupid Chocolate spread" Jen grumbled as she tried to wipe some of it off of her hands. After a while she gave up.

_Well, _she thought _I'd better go apologize to Lily..._ And she slowly wandered out of the great hall to find her.

* * *

"AAARRGGG! I'm still tainted!"

Jen's cry rang out through the great hall. A moment later Lily got up from her seat and left the Great HHHHall.

"I wonder what she's yelling about" mused Sirius through a mouthful of chocolate spread

"Sirius, don't chew with your mouth open" reprimanded Remus

"Sorry" apologized Sirius, quickly swallowing his mouthful of chocolate "but honestly, what do you think?"

"I'm sure I have no Idea" said Remus delicately

"Will you go find out for me?"

"No"

"Please?" Sirius gave Remus puppy eyes

"If you want to know, go find out yourself"

"But I want to eat my breakfast"

"You mean chocolate"

"Well… yes. Yes I do"

"Too bad"

"_Re-mus" _Sirius whined

"No!"

"How about you, James?" Asked Sirius

Sirius's question was met by James's icy glare

"Look," started Sirius "I'm sorry for what I did, okay?"

"No, not okay. Now Lily won't really like me; she will because she has to. It's just doesn't feel right."

"What?!" Asked Remus

"Well," answered Sirius "It all began in the common room the other night. It was dark and stormy, if I recall correctly…"

"No it wasn't" interjected Peter "It was clear that night"

"A 10 second summary will suffice, Sirius"

"Okay, well, here goes then: I got a hold of some eye shadow laced with 24 hour love potion, spelled it so that it's specific to James, and sent it to Lily. She puts some on and KAPOW! She's in love. Not forever, but long enough to make her realize her feelings for James. Unfortunately, I sent it to Lily before I told James and he seems not to have liked my course of action"

Sirius stopped and took several deep breaths, not having drawn one previously because he was trying to fit what he said into a 10 second summary and breathing would have taken up too much time.

Remus turned to James "Is this correct?"

James nodded curtly.

"Well, in that case" Remus turned to Sirius "Shame on you!"

"What?!" Sirius spluttered

"You shouldn't interfere with someone else's love life without receiving their approval beforehand, and almost all love potions are illegal."

Sirius opened his mouth to object, but Remus cut him off

"I can't believe you did that, Sirius! You need to go find Lily and tell her what's going on."

"Yeah!" Peter chimed in unhelpfully

There was a long pause in which all the marauders glared at Sirius and then -

"Fine" grumbled Sirius sulkily. He got up from his seat and stalked away, ruining the effect by running back to grab a piece of toast covered in chocolate

* * *

"Lily, come back!"

Lily ignored her friend

"Lily, please, I didn't mean to be rude. Lily? Look, it's not my fault, it was the _chocolate spread!_ It makes me hallucinate!

Lily? Lily, please! I didn't-"

Lily disappeared behind a corner.

"Drat" Jen whispered under her breath

_Why couldn't I have normal, predictable_ _friends?_ Jen thought _ones that aren't so easily offended and don't fall in love over night with someone they hate? _

"Hello"

"AAAA!!!!" Jen jumped about a foot in the air

Sirius chuckled

"Don't laugh at me!" Jen said indignantly

"Why not?"

"It makes me feel-" Then Jen noticed the chocolate covered toast in his hand

"CHOCOLATE!!" She shouted, pointing.

"It makes you feel chocolate?"

"No, you're _eating _chocolate!"

"So?"

"_So_ chocolate makes you hallucinate!"

"What makes you think chocolate makes you hallucinate?"

"Because I don't want to breathe Helium" (_why _couldn't she say something that made sense?)

"What?!" asked Sirius

"I said, 'Because I don't want to-"

"Oh, I heard you assured Sirius but why don't you want to breathe Helium? It's just so cool!"

"It is not, it makes your voice go all high pitched"

"I'm not sure if it does that all the time, just with some people"

"Well, it's still not cool"

"Is so!"

"Is not."

"Is so!"

"Is not."

* * *

Lily was running down one of the many corridors that led to the Gryffindor common room when she ran into Eliza.

"Where were you?" She asked indignantly

"Well, I came down to breakfast and realized that I was still in my pajamas, so I had to run back and change, only pulling my shirt over my head messed up my hair, so I had to fix it and… Oh Lily, I'm so exited: I'm in love!"

Lily gave a high-pitched scream of excitement "Oh my gosh, so am I!"

"Oh my gosh, that is so cool!"

"I know!"

"So…"

"What?"

"Have you asked him out?"

"I was going to, but I got nervous"

"Well, that's okay, I did too"

Lily giggled nervously "Well… how about I'll ask the guy I like if you ask the one you like?"

"Deal" said Eliza "But you have to pinky promise not to chicken out"

"Okay" agreed Lily, before racing her friend down the corridor.

* * *

"Immature" Remus grumbled under his breath "Can't leave him alone for five minutes"

Remus heard loud voices and ran towards the noise.

He emerged onto a large landing on which Jen and Sirius seemed to be having a shouting match.

"IS NOT!" screamed Jen

"IS TOO!" answered an equally loud Sirius

"Excuse me," asked Remus "but what exactly are you guys shouting about?

There was a long pause

"I can't remember…" Sirius answered after about a minute of awkward silence.

"Me neither" added Jen "My voice is really hoarse though"

"Mine too" Sirius started to laugh, and a moment or two later Jen started to laugh too, then Remus, until they were all doubled over, laughing so hard they found it hard to draw breath.

* * *

Eliza and Lily burst onto the landing. Lily hung back, but Eliza strode right up to the still laughing Sirius

"Sirius" she said a bit breathlessly "I have something to ask you"

"No, _I _have something to ask you" corrected Lily as she came up behind Jen.

The two girls looked at each other in confusion for a moment. Then it clicked.

"WHAT?!" Demanded Eliza


	6. Never Play Chess With Breakfast Food

"WHAT?!" Demanded Eliza

"What do you mean "what"?" asked and indignant Lily "_I _should be asking _you _WHAT!"

"But Lily," Eliza whined "You never liked him in the first place!"

"Yeah, well…" Lily thought for a moment "Hey, you never liked him either!"

As the girls squabbled, Sirius tried to figure out what was happening. _Tried_. As far as he could remember, Eliza and James had always gotten on fairly well.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked rather stupidly

Remus groaned and put his head in his hands.

There was a thumping sound. Lily had remembered she was carrying a wand and had frozen Eliza solid.

With Eliza out of the way, Lily was free to talk to Sirius

"Sirius," she began, but was interrupted

"I've got it!" Shouted Jen

"Got what?" Asked Sirius

"_CHOCOLATE SPREAD!" _

"What?" asked Eliza and Sirius in unison

"_That's _why we think Eliza and Lily are fighting over you! The chocolate spread is making us _Hallucinate!_"

"How do you know that?"

"Well, did you have chocolate spread for breakfast?"

"Um…"

"He did" assured Remus

"And is this the kind of thing that Lily and Eliza would normally ever do?"

"No"

"Well, put two and two together than!"

Sirius thought about it for a moment

"Eureka!" He shouted "It's the _CHOCOLATE SPREAD!_"

"Crazy, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is!"

"Oh for goodness sake!" Exclaimed Remus "You are _not _hallucinating!"

"We're not?" asked Sirius

"We're not?" asked Jen

"You're no" Stated Remus

"What are you talking about?" asked Lily

"How do you know we're not hallucinating?" Asked Sirius, ignoring Lily

"Because I'm seeing the same thing you are, and I haven't eaten any chocolate spread. Besides, have you hallucinated before when you've eaten chocolate spread?"

"Maybe Remus is a hallucination too…" Sirius trailed off

"For a hallucination he makes a convincing argument" Jen pointed off

"You know, I don't think that I've hallucinated after eating chocolate spread before…"

"Which means this is all real"

"Which means…" Sirius looked over at Lily. She seemed very annoyed at being ignored.

"Bugger"

* * *

"Check mate" said James

"That's _not_ a check mate!"

"Is so!"

"No, that's not my king!" Peter exclaimed, pointing to a piece of scrambled egg

"Yes it is!" Last turn you said I couldn't check it because your bacon was in the way"

"My bacon is still in the way"

"No it's not; I got it with my toast last turn!" James brandished a small piece of bacon in front of Peter's nose"

"I meant the other bacon. That's my night, not my queen!"

"No it's not; I wouldn't have captured it then. It put my pastry in jeopardy!"

"I swear that's my night you're waving at me! See? The queen has that burnt bit on the left side."

James looked

"Oh f-"

Peter glared at James

"… iddlesticks…"

"This is boring" Peter sighed

Silently James agreed, but he would never admit it because it had been his idea. _Stupid ideas _James told himself _What kind of person thinks of playing chess with breakfast food on a table cloth checkered five different colors?_

The two marauders sat in silence for a very long time.

"Well, let's go see what Remus and Sirius are up to" James suggested after ten or so seconds.

"Okay" Peter said quickly, having had enough of silence to last him several weeks

They both leaped out of their seats and raced out of the great hall.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

"Sirius Black, get back here!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

James hurtled down corridors, coming to a halt when he saw his friends. Then he saw Lily chasing Sirius in a circle around Jen and Remus.

James felt his stomach knot up nervously: Lily looked so beautiful.

He started towards her, but stubbed his toe on the still frozen Eliza and hopped around in pain instead.

"Seriously, Sirius. I need to ask you something!"

"Never!" Sirius grabbed Jen's shoulders and held her in front of him like a shield.

"Back, you scurvy fiend!" He shouted "return to the black abyss from hence you came!"

Lily cocked her head to one side "I'm not going to hurt you Sirius"

"You're not?" Asked a surprised Sirius. Usually saying something like that to Lily would earn him a jinx at the very least

"Of course not!" Lily laughed, and Sirius noticed for the first time what a pretty laugh she had "Hurting you is the last thing I would do"

Sirius suspected a trap

"I suspect a trap" he said

Lily laughed again "It's not a trap" She took a deep breath "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go out with me"

Sirius stared at her blankly

"She means on a date" Jen said, "Could you put me down now?"

Images flashed through Sirius's mind:

Lily recovering from the spell and killing him. James killing him. Lily's friends killing him. Loosing the bet… And if he said yes the one person he really liked would think he liked someone else.

"AAAAA!!!" Sirius screamed, dropping Jen and then hiding behind her and Remus "Save me!" He pleaded

"How?" Jen asked

"I don't know! Get rid of her somehow before she _kills me_"

* * *

Meanwhile James had recovered from his toe-stubbing incident and was starting to work out what had happened.

He couldn't remember having been this angry with Sirius before.

"Curse you, Sirius" he muttered under his breath

"Curse you, curse you, curse you"

* * *

Remus finished whispering to Jen and Sirius just as Lily said in the sweetest tone possible:

"Sirius, will you please answer my question?"

"In a minute. _Jen _here was about to ask me a question, weren't you Jen?"

"Oh, um… yes" said Jen blushing furiously "I was…wonderingifyouwouldgooutwithme"

"Sorry, didn't catch that" said Sirius who seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. That is until Remus started elbowing him and ruining all the fun.

"I said" said Jen "Will you go out with me?"

"What?!" asked Lily, outraged. She would have said more, but refrained so that she could hear Sirius's answer.

"Oh, I don't know" said Sirius as he examined his fingernails "I'll have to check my schedule, but – Ouch! Don't elbow me Moony! Okay, yes. I'll go out with you"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" Screamed Lily "Jen I am going to kill you!"

Jen ran off down the corridor, Lily in hot pursuit.

"Whew!" said Sirius, wiping imaginary sweat from his brow once the two girls had disappeared down the corridor "That was close!"

Then he noticed James

"Uh, James! Great to see you" he stammered "Now look, you can't really blame me for that, I mean, it's not as if it was my _fault _that they…" Sirius trailed off after seeing the expression on James's face

"Sirius. You. Are. So. Dead."

"AAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Sirius sprinted down the corridor, James right behind him

"Guys!" Remus called after them as he started to follow "Padfoot, Prongs! This wasn't part of the plan! Come back here!"

* * *

All Eliza saw was ice.

Then suddenly she was in the corridor where she and Lily had fought, and there was a red headed boy with glasses standing in front of her. She supposed he was the one who had defrosted her.

_I suppose I should thank him_

"Thank you" she told him

The boy ignored her thanks "Why were you frozen?" He asked

"None of your business"

"It is so; I just defrosted you, didn't I?"

"Well… Maybe… What's your name?"

"Arthur"

"I make a point never to trust people with the name of Arthur. They may be toxic"

"What?!"

"Oh, I don't know. Can you just leave? I need to go maim my friend."

"Why?"

"Because she _froze me solid!_"

"Oh…"

Eliza noticed that there was a disgusting smell that seemed to be emanating from him. She looked him up and down. He was carrying a bag of dung bombs.

_Dung bombs! _She thought_ Dung bombs + anger + grudge REVENGE!!!!! Wow, think of the possibilities…_

"Hey kid, give me your dung bombs"

"Fifteen and a half"

"What?" Asked Eliza

"I'm Fifteen and a half. I'm not a little kid"

"Whatever. Just give me your dung bombs"

"Why"

Eliza was getting annoyed

"Why?" The boy (Arthur, was it?) asked again

"…because… I'm studying to become a doctor and I need them"

"For what?"

"Doctor… studying?"

"That's dumb"

"No it's not, now give them to me"

"No"

Eliza lost her temper

Five seconds later

"Sorry!" Exclaimed Arthur "Here are the dung bombs, sorry to have caused you any trouble. Bye!"

The kid dropped the dung bombs and ran

_Now _thought Eliza _what havoc can I wreak with these?_


	7. Commander Of The Dung Bombs

Jen raced down the corridor _this was __**so **__not one of my better ideas _she thought

"JEN, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW SO THAT I CAN **MAIM YOU!!!!**" Came Lily's furious scream

Jen desperately tried to think of something to say that would pacify her friend

"Lily," she called behind her shoulder as she ran

"WHAT!!!???"

"Um… Please don't hurt me. I know that we haven't always had the same opinion on everything, but I've really always admired you"

"Really…" came Lily's suspicious reply

"Um, yes! Yes I have. I've always wished I looked like you too. You're so pretty"

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah. You have such straight teeth… They're so… white… and your fillings are so… shiny?"

"_SHINY!? YOU ADMIRE ME BECAUSE MY __**FILLINGS**__ ARE __**SHINY??!!**_"

Using her excellent powers of perception, Jen concluded that this may not have been the most tactful thing to say

"No!" She stammered "That's not what I meant to say. I was… Joking! Ha ha, yes, very funny. I… Of course your fillings aren't shiny. Did I say they were shiny? I meant they were… not shiny! They're dull, incredibly dull, so dull that if someone looked in your mouth they would think: wow, those are some dull fillings… Wait, you're still glaring at me. No, don't take out your wand Lily. Lily, no! Please don't hex me, Lily! Don't forget about anger management, anger management!

* * *

"Traitor!"

"Now Jamesie-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Sorry Jamsie"

"Sirius, I am going to kill you!"

"Na na na na na na na" Sirius sang "you can't catch me"

"**SIRIUS!**"

"What's the matter, Jamesie? Gotten slow in your old age?"

A hex shooting past Sirius's ear in the form of a small lightning bolt told him that teasing his friend when he was this angry was not the best of ideas

"Oh, come on James. It's not like she _actually _likes me, it's just a spell!"

"Yeah, a spell that YOU put on her!" James yelled, sending another jinx Sirius's way

"James, cut it out!"

"Backstabber!"

"Look James, do-"

"Traitressco!"

The spell hit Sirius in the back of the head, sending a shock through the rest of his body

_Bugger _Sirius thought

"James, what did you do th-"

Sirius's words were interrupted by another spell that hit the side of his left cheek, barely grazing his lips

"AAAA!!!! That _stings!_"

"Die!"

"My lips! What have you done to my lips?"

"He he he…"

"James! James, get away from me!"

Sirius tried desperately to think of something that would distract James long enough to

"James, look!" Sirius pointed wildly behind James "It's Snivellus!"

James whipped around

"What? I haven't hexed him this week: where is he?"

But the corridor was empty. James turned back around. The corridor was _very _empty: Sirius was gone.

* * *

Eliza sprinted down a corridor

_I am __so__ going to kill Lily... _Eliza thought _That is if you can kill people with dung bombs. __Can__ you kill someone with dung bombs? I mean, they're just like bombs, only with dung… actually, there's really isn't dung that comes out of them, only dung stink… Can you die of dung stink? Why do they even call them dung bombs? Why not smells like dung bombs, or dung bombs: they only smell, or perhaps smell bombs: they only dung. Wait, that last one didn't really make any sense, did it? What does that even mean? Why can't I make any sense? How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? _

Eliza was about to answer her own question when she ran into Peter. Literally.

"Ouch!" Exclaimed Peter as he fell over

Being the sweet, kind-hearted girl she was, Eliza made a tactful and sincere apology:

"Hey, watch where you're standing weirdo!"

"Sorry" apologized Peter

"… Well, I'll let it slide this time, but don't get in my way again"

"Sorry"

"Have you seen Lily?"

"No, sorry"

"You're no help"

Eliza started to run off again, but was stopped by Peter

"Wait, don't leave me!"

"Why?"

"…"

"Why!?"

"I'm… Lost"

"Lost! How can you possibly be _lost?!_ You've lived here for _seven years!_"

Peter shrugged helplessly

"Oh great" Eliza sighed resignedly "Okay then, come with me"

The two walked in silence for a little while, Eliza walking as far away from Peter as possible

"What are the dung bombs for?" Peter finally asked

Eliza had a feeling that Peter would not approve of her plan to maim Lily, so she gave her customary excuse:

"Medical practice. I'm studying to be a doctor"

"Oh, cool! Can I help?"

"Um… sure" said Eliza, and thrust the bag of dung bombs into his hands "You can be, uh, Commander of the dung bombs"

"Wow, I've never been a commander before" said Peter happily, who had never been in charge of anything

"And with good reason too: You're a slimy little inferior worm"

"Gee, thanks"

"That wasn't a compliment, commander"

"Thanks"

"Don't say that"

"What, thanks?"

"Don't. Say. That" growled Eliza, her right eyelid twitching

"Uh… Thank you?"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT!!!" Eliza exploded

"Sorry!" Peter quailed

The two walked in silence for several more minutes

"So…" Peter asked after a while "What should I do with the dung bombs?"

"Well, if you see Lily, throw them at her"

"But why-"

"I'M A DOCOR, ALLRIGHT? I JUST KNOW THESE THINGS!"

Peter decided not to ask any more questions.

* * *

Jen ran as fast as she could, Lily in hot pursuit

"Get back here!" Screamed Lily

"Why should I?"

"So I can kill you!"

"Uh… No thanks"

* * *

"There they are!" Screamed Eliza, pointing "Launch the dung bombs!"

However, Peter didn't so much as launch the dung bombs, so much as fell on top of them.

"I said launch you moron, not fall!"

"I tripped"

"Nonsense!" Eliza narrowed here eyes "Are you conspiring against me?"

"What? No!"

"Then get up and start throwing those dung bombs!"

Peter tried to get up, but in the process fell down on top of them again. This, however, was too much for the dung bombs: they exploded.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Screamed Peter as the force of the explosion threw him into the air.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Screamed Eliza as her evil plan exploded before her eyes

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Screamed Lily and Jen as the stench of the bombs reached their nostrils.

Lily and Jen took off away from the smell, each of them taking off in a different direction.

* * *

Jen hurtled along the corridor. Praying that Lily had gone the other way, Jen selected a door at random, opened it… and ran straight into Sirius

"Ahhh!" Screamed Jen

"Ahhh!" Screamed Sirius

"What are you doing in here?!"

"Hiding, duh. What are _you _doing here?"

"Hiding from Lily"

"_Lily's _around here?!"

Jen nodded glumly

"Ahhh! Hide me!" Sirius grabbed Jen by the waist and pulled her in front of him

"You're already hidden!"

"Oh…"

Several minutes went by

"Soo…"

"What?" asked Sirius

There was a long pause

"You can let go of my waist now"

"Oh. Uh, sorry, it's just, uh"

"No, it's okay. I don't mind… Oh, wait. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, don't think I'm a slut or anything, I just"

"I know, I'm sorry. I mean. No. Wait. I meant no, I know you're not… Let's just pretend this didn't happen, okay?"

"Okay"

The two stood in silence for a little while, listening

"Do I have anything on my face?" Sirius finally asked

"What?"

"I mean, James hit me with a spell and-"

"Oh… No I don't think so"

"Are you sure? Look closer"

Jen leaned closer

"Closer"

Jen leaned even closer

"Closer" Said Sirius, his voice almost a whisper

Jen leaned closer, and was about to tell Sirius that she was quite sure that there was nothing on his face when he kissed her.

To Jen it was one of those perfect moments that you want to capture and hold forever, and when you were feeling down you had only to think of that moment to be happy again. At lease, it _would _have been one of those moments had not a bright red bold of electricity sprung from Sirius's left cheek exactly where James's spell had hit him, barely grazing his lips – which were at the moment connected to Jen's lips. The electricity hit Jen, and she went flying backwards, falling painfully on her side.

"Jen!" Sirius ran over to her "Jen, are you okay?"

Jen pushed Sirius away, fighting back tears

"I can't" she began in halting tones "_believe_ I fell for that! I mean I really… I thought you-"

Jen started to cry, sobbing tears of embarrassment, shame, and hurt.

Not caring if Lily saw her, Jen flung open the door and ran out, leaving behind a dismayed Sirius Black.

Sirius didn't follow Jen, he knew she wouldn't want to talk to him after what had just happened, he just sat quietly. When he finally spoke, it was in a low, venomous whisper

"James, you are _so _dead"

* * *

**Well, that's the end of the chapter. Sorry for the delay in updates people. **

**To all of you who have been reviewing: Thank you! I'm so glad you like the story.**


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